Portugal

In April, I went to meet an online friend for the first time. Beth and I took an exciting journey to Portugal and met Johnny. It was the best vacation I have ever been on.

Countdown to Portugal - Getting ready for our trip.
Arriving in Portugal - And how my name in Portugal was Deya.
I love Portugal - Wanting to move to Lisbon.
Bathroom Adventures - Weird things that happened whenever I was in a bathroom.
Different things that we had seen on the trip - Including the man playing the accordion on the Subway.
Pretend Karaoke - We were missing the Chalet
It's Jewish Karaoke - Johnny took us to a Seder.

About Me

My name is Dana Marie Vittum. If you meet a Vittum, I am related to them somehow. I am 38 and live in Saint Paul, Minnesota.

I am single and have been for 8 years. I am okay with this and have learned to live with it. I know I do not need a man to make me happy or complete. However, please, for the love of God, find me a man. All I ask is that he's nice and kind and either likes to sing or will tolerate karaoke because I won't give up my Sunday nights at The Chalet.

You can contact me by emailing me at greenduckiesgirl AT comcast DOT net. I reserve the right to publish anything you send me, especially if you are telling me how wonderful I am. If you send me hate mail, I will say a prayer for your deluded soul and mock you on my website and publish your email address. I also reserve the right to hunt you down and find a suitable punishment if you spam me.

Someone suggested I set up a wish list at Amazon.com. I did. Here is the link. Do not feel obliged to buy me anything. I don't require material things as proof of your devotion. Your continued love, occasional comment and your first born child will do. Wait. Forget that about the kid. Not really into kids. Buy me something (I kid. I jest. I'm a funny girl).

My favorite posts

These are the posts that I think were the best I've written: it could be because of the way people reacted to them, maybe the way that it made me feel when I was writing them. Whatever. Anyway, if you don't check out anything else in my categories, click on these. I promise you there is funny stuff here. And it is not my fault if you don't have a sense of humor.

The Fish Hook Saga - All I can say is that I was obviously insane at the time.

Beer Goggles 1 & 2 - Why Beth doesn't wear red to karaoke anymore.

A really, really bad blind date story - Not mine, thank God. Just my version of the night.

Tattooed White Trash - Only I would have a mispelled tattoo.

I Go Shopping - I go from buying a magnet to using Star Trek to explain my personality.

Tales of Food: Blueberries and Cheese - Maybe not the best posts but they are short and funny.

Ways I've Been Found

Pretty obvious. I post. People Google (or Yahoo or some other type of search).

The first post - Apparently someone likes feline dominatrixes.
The second post - Apparently people also like Tammy Pescatelli. Preferably naked.
The third post - Green Duckies!
The fourth post - How I hit 400 hits on my hit counter.

Romance - Dana Style

In other words, non-existent. Mainly just huge crushes on people for no reason. Other than that they might be relatively attractive and may or may not know that I am alive. Not to be confused with joking crushes, such as the one I have on Bobby from karaoke (which means I don't have a crush on him but it's fun to pretend I do because I like to be weird. Plus, he's a bartender. Bartenders are hot. And those are under the karaoke category).

August, 2004
I need a dream lover - What my perfect man would be like.

October, 2004
Why I hate Spock but love Data - About this guy. Yeah, many of the posts here are going to be about some guy. Just so you know.

Life In Madison - WWITWIMTM?

What was I thinking when I moved to Madison? What WAS I Thinking? C'mon. Seriously big mistake.

August, 2004
I decide to move to Madison - I made a decision to move in less time than it takes me to figure out what my next hair color should be. Obviously it's a mistake.
Apartment Searching In Madison - Self Explanatory (SE).
Trapped in an attic in Madison - SE.

October, 2004
The Exception to the Rule - This happened in Madison but it's a pretty good example of my dating life.

I Had A Dream (and it was really weird)

Yeah, so my dreams? They freak me out. When I remember them. A lot of times I just have vague memories about being chased by vampires. Why do you hate me so, vampires?

June, 2004
I dream of Riverdance - Which may quite possibly be worse than vampires.

October, 2004
Dreams, Vampires & Why I'm going to hell - An old email but it mentions two very odd dreams I had about Patrick Warburton (Mmm, Puddy).

December, 2004
Proof that I might be insane - Two (count them, 2) dreams with Jesse "The Body" Ventura.
What is up with these dreams? - Will Smith painted me gold. Yeah, I don't get it either.
Why you should not watch the original Batman movie two nights in a row - Really weird dream that was like a comic book & had the Rock in it.

January, 2005
Validation - About how cool Bryan and Liz are. So cool that I dream about them.

February, 2005
Promise me something - A comment I made about a possibly erotic dream I had that may or may not have involved a bartender & Diet Coke.
Prince Charming? - I dreamt I met the perfect guy for Beth.

March, 2005
Dream a little dream- A very odd dream involving a drill sergeant & the CEO of NABABNA.

April, 2005
Soylent Green! It's Dana - I dreamt about George Clooney & how he asked me out to dinner.
I love Portugal - Mainly about how great Portugal is but a weird dream I had of my mom.

May, 2005
My Weekend O'Excitement - How my fake boyfriend tried to kill me. It's mainly about karaoke.

November, 2005

Family Ties or Stories About People Related to Me (Be afraid)

Different posts about different members of my family

My mother:
At one point, I had divided the blog links between mother approved and non-mother approved. - I don't do that anymore because it's my blog and I'll link who I want to. Just some stories about my mom.
Mattress Shopping with Mom - Hmm. I wonder what this could be about.
This is dedicated to the one I love - For Mom's birthday.
Old Home Week - A post about how family was in town.

My father:
Happy Father's Day - In memorium of my father.
Why my father's completely warped sense of humor made me a better person – SE (Self Explantory).

My sister Kari and/or her husband Eric:
Kari tells me why my vision sucks - It also references Josh.
My visit to Kari and Eric's house – SE.


My nephew, Josh (the prettiest baby in all the world):
The Royal Heir to My Throne - Picture of Josh.
My Description of Love - Another picture of Josh.
What Strikes Fear Into My Heart - About Josh and babysitting.
Mixed Emotions - Babysitting again. Yikes.

My grandmother: Cloud In a Pudding - A story about food and books. And love.